A girl like you and me who gave it all away
One simple starry eyed kiss under the sunset (so cliche right?) was all it took for her to give in to the appealing risk of opening her heart. She presented it without protection or guard, completely vulnerable, and she allowed this intriguing game to be played. Would she allow him all the way in? If so, he would be her first. The racing emotions said yes but her heart shouted reminders of who she always promised herself she would be: true to her standards, not influenced by the others, guarded, pure, wise, protected. Over the course of time, compromise after compromise, those shouts from her heart became a faint whisper. She was in a dangerous place, heart unguarded, emotional, and falling fast for a boy who knew he wanted all of her from the start. Convinced it was meant to be, she gave it all away.
“That was fun.” She thought afterwards as she laid there unsure of what was supposed to happen next. It felt nice to be loved like that, to really allow someone in brought an emotional high. That high only lasted about as long as it took to get dressed and in her car to drive home. Suddenly she felt anything but satisfied. How could she feel this way? Wasn’t this big moment of finally giving it all away supposed to make her feel like the girls after having sex in the movies? They always seemed so fulfilled, in love, yet unattached... to them it seemed like it wasn’t a big deal, but to her heart it was everything. Shocked in her sudden disappointment, giving it all away was not what all she had fantasized having sex with this “dream boy” would be. Feelings of regret, insecurity, instability, and fear slowly began to rise to the surface of her emotions. Regret from breaking the promises she had made to herself weighed heavy. Insecure because she wanted to be good enough, satisfying enough for him to stay with only her. Unstable in her relationship because heaven forbid he decide leave her for another girl after he had taken this sacred pice of her heart. Instead of being excited about the unknown, she was now fearfully assessing the heartbreak possibilities. She opened up herself entirely to him... and he could eventually hurt her. There was no guaranteed commitment, trust, or future in mind. Her heart was in the hands of a boy that made her feel anything but safe. Suddenly, the risk wasn’t worth it, the game wasn’t fun, and her heart longed to take it all back and find a safe place again.
Sometimes it takes gambling our heart away in the dating game of poker to realize that our hearts aren’t worth the gamble. Our hearts are a treasure. Many of us can relate to one aspect of this girls story. We’ve played games with our hearts because from the outset of the game our hearts seemed worth the risk... until we discover what if feels like to have our hearts broken or tampered with.
The condition of our heart overflows into everything we do, say, think, and become. I love this proverb: “So above all, guard the affections of your heart, for they affect all that you are. Pay attention to the welfare of your innermost being, for from there flows the wellspring of life.”
I have always found myself running to the word of God to discover His best for my life and how I can live it. I know it’s Valentine’s Day and all us girls want to hear is love and romance is the greatest thing that can ever happen to a woman. Sure, it’s wonderful, but our hearts were not designed to be tossed around to whoever seems interested. This is not necessarily a sex issue, it’s a guarded heart issue. There is something beautiful about a woman who knows her standards for herself, fearlessly refuses to back down from being her true self, and has no problem with being different or the “only one”.
I happen to know the ending to this girls story... and I wanted to share because I think it might surprise you. She ended her relationship to get her heart back. In her freshman year of college she discovered the love of God wasn’t just something she had heard about in church growing up, but it was real, life giving, and life changing. She gave God her heart, undivided attention, her future, her dating life, she asked him to heal her heart and remove the memories that brought regret, and she never looked back. She met a man who knew what respect was. He not only respected her when she explained to him her heart was Gods and sex was for her husband... but he believed the same. Until the day they said “I do” their hearts stayed in a safe place. She never felt insecure or unstable because they knew each other, wanted the best for each other, and actually became best friends. This trust that had immersed from a raw and beautiful place made a grand foundation to start a future. Giving it all away to each other was a day they had highly anticipated and in their hearts knew the wait was not only for them but for others to see that yes, it can be done. Our hearts can be protected. Dating can be healthy. Sex can waited for until marriage. (WHAT!?) We can live without giving it all away too soon. This Valentine’s Day, don’t give in to the heart gamble, it’s a vicious cycle. Know who you are, set your standards high, raise the guards of your heart high, and don’t apologize. You will not regret it.